Wanting what you have

I have been faced with some dilemmas as of late and it has made me think about life in general. Because of the ease with which people confide in me, I find that there are some common themes among some of the issues brought to me for the "Complaint Department." This isn't necessarily about anything recently but is a common theme that I have discovered over the last decade or so.

Most times, people have everything they need to be happy except for the attitude. They think of things past or could-have-been. They contemplate "what-ifs" and make their current life seem like the bottom of the barrel. There is a consistent desire to see what they want. Life would be all roses if something different would have happened, if you would have chosen a different spouse, gone to school, taken a different opportunity. There is one thing that I can say; life would have been different but not necessarily better or worse.

One thing to understand is that if you live your life as though you made the wrong choices, you will find that you will have lost not only what you dreamed up but what you have. Right now is very important. Take a snap shot of right now and evaluate it. Not for what was or what could be but for right now. Are you happy in your spousal relationship? If so, why? If not, why? Are you happy with your home? Are you happy with your kids? Are you happy with your career? If you are happy with things, what can you do to keep things happy? Are you doing it? If you aren't, what needs to change.

Life is not a dream. It isn't what appears on the big screen. Not always does the good guy win, not always is there sage advice that will help boost you out of your rut. Not all crimes can be solved in an hour of TV.

Life is a series of events. Some are good and some are bad but they are all events that happen to us. Some happen to a few people while other events affect large numbers of people. It is the culmination of these events that help provide us with the opportunities to define ourselves. How we handle these events and the repercussions that are a result of those event is what creates the person we are and the happiness or sadness we feel.

Most people have tunnel vision. They see one or two items and focus so hard on those items or events that they do not see all of the glory surrounding them. If you are in a forest and see the only dead tree but that is all you see, to you the forest is completely dead. Every once in a while you have to lift your head from the rat race and look around to see what is going on around you. This is not to compare with any of the other's running the race but to look at what you have gained.

One example is this. Let's say you live in a house. It is not the best house nor is it in the best neighborhood. The yard needs a lot of work, there are a lot of maintenance needs inside and outside the house. It is drafty and needs new carpets. The walls could use paint and some of the cupboards are falling apart. Kind of dismal, I know but look at the bigger picture.

The house really is in decent condition. It could use some work but for the most part it is clean. Not only is it a house, it is a home. You live there with your spouse and kids. Your cupboards that are falling apart are full. The yard that needs work also houses some toys for the kids to play on and maybe a sandbox. There is an area to plant a garden. You can afford it plus afford to do a few extra activities with the family. You can have a pizza night every once in a while. Because the carpets and walls are not pristine, you don't mind letting the kids have movie night in the front room because popcorn can be vacuumed up fairly easily. Everyone is happy and healthy.

A lot of what we struggle with is the perception of what we have to what we want. Most ignore what they have because they are focused on what they want. We want that tree to be healthy but we ignore the rest of the forest because of that one tree. Its OK to have a few bad trees in our life if we focus on the entire forest. Take the time to appreciate the forest of your life with its good trees and its bad trees.